I’ve practically had to change my sleeping pattern for Thea. Change meals. Change Tv channels. Change what deodorant I put on to something milder, change clothing (sliced all my clothes at the breast area) and generally make the queen safe and comfortable. She’s quiet but mighty. One cry sends everyone on their toes. Her smile melts the world and her sleep especially at night is a drop in the ocean. She is priceless!
If I am being honest, and go on a rant as usual: women go through a lot, mothers go through so much but single mothers just have it rough During pregnancy right through raising a child. My child is 21 days old and I cannot begin to imagine what an 18 year old single mom went and goes through.
Women go through alot, I must emphasize: Thanks to internalized misogyny by women, general misogyny by the society and women being afraid to just be happy. Especially independent steel minded women. The men in this scenario? They get away with a lot. They are protected by the phrases, “men are like that. Give him time. Is there something you did to make him like that?”
I would write a whole book telling the society why they should show single mothers some respect but there’s no need – their character and strength as mothers regardless of marital status define them. Because nothing is as strong willed as a single mother. The younger she is, the stronger she has to be.
I do not hang around other new moms my age. We do not have the same vibe or simply- my story sucks. Theirs is blissful or so they tell me or rather, I do not understand what they are talking about. I am also just done with being told that I am strong and how my shoe is a hard one to fit. Then they bring up feminism because Feminists have no humane feelings. Robots with vaginas, they potray. I smile. Most days. Even when it’s exhausting. Because the society expects me to. Or maybe I’m really just okay with not trying to control things beyond my reach.
They talk of how they enjoyed their pregnancy, how their significant others are amazing at helping them with the baby. They talk of how excited their SO’s are, that they are unable to take their eyes off them and their kids, how labor and birth was an experience to remember, how many more children they want and generally how they are having the times of their lives.
I practically went through pregnancy alone from 7 months. We took a break when I was 7 months. My significant other, now ex at 28 weeks was dealing with his emotions and demons as I dealt with my hormones and demons. Each of us; alone. Yet, in the same house. We became strangers. 2 early 20s soon to be parents; became each other’s worst nightmares. The house was not a safe haven anymore. It was a dungeon. Indeed, there is nothing worse than having a baby unplanned. It’s only heavenly when the baby gets here.
I would have cried through the last 12 weeks if I hadn’t gotten the support that I did. I cried. Why lie? But I cannot imagine what else I would have done if friends were not there. I always looked forward to every weekday morning so that I could go to work. People love me there. They were my joy. I hated Fridays. It would mean staying home for 2 days. Alone. Hungry and angry. I could barely cook nor eat. I was mad, sad and sincerely: I was depressed. Monday would make my days bright again. Until evening.
I eventually discovered and got myself scented candles at Ksh 120 and they were amazing. It made my house smell good, lively too. Different. Gave me the freshness I needed. If you’re looking for house fragrance smoke free and you love yourself order yourself one at the somo pop up store
At 28 weeks, my baby was only 700g. I was stressed. Subconsciously. Didn’t realise I was not eating healthy. I wasn’t keeping a positive mind either.
The sonographer told me to eat and eat healthy. “Msichana kula. Ama ugali unakula inajaza tu mwili?” He was joking. But truth is, his eyes meant it. I was not feeding my little one. But I never went back there when he was around. No one likes being told they are growing fatter.
I decided to go organic with most products. She needed healthy meals, healthy products and I had to be sane for her growth. The entrepreneurs (all from Nairobi’s informal settlements) at my workplace were a HUGE help In making sure I access cost effective and organic products.
They provided the healthy meals I needed. I bought organic peanut butter, honey, yoghurt, ate at an organic friendly hotel near my workplace (nutrition palace in Olympics Kibera) and by Jove I was ‘bonusely‘ cheered up with African dolls. I have always wondered what my little girl would play with until Afriknit dolls came along.
Any African mom knows better than to give their little girl or boy the barbie dolls. They have ruined childhood for most of us. So I found a couple making dolls with the African complexion (various tones) to the African various cultures. You can get it at Ksh 450. ps# it is flexible, washable, child friendly and durable. Here is a glimpse of the dolls although they can be customized to your preference. Same with candles.
All nerdyclues readers can get these products at a discount plus free delivery in the month od September. Order at
I remember going for the last scan, a few days after my due date. The sonographer was confused. “Your baby is in breech which is crazy because she had turned a while back at 36 weeks.” I kinda smiled. This was definitely the gods punishing me for not being a believer anymore. From going through a breakup the last minute of pregnancy to having go through c section? How bad could my life get? Turns out the bad days were behind me.
The baby shower was a surprise. I have amazing friends. They got me everything I hadn’t bought yet. Everything I was planning to buy, they bought it. Including a fridge. I had put that on hold for a while. Diapers were provided. I had bought 2 packs. I got an additional 4 disposable diapers plus amazing reusable hadassah diapers I was searching for in vain. You can order these diapers at ksh 500/550 depending with the size at popupshopkenya
I had an emergency c section on 1st. It was an experience I will only talk about once in a post specifically meant for that. There is nothing as bad as laying on the operating table naked wondering how you’d defend yourself if the doctors went bananas and decided to harvest your organs. My mind runs wild. I was in deep thoughts. Not about the baby, but of how defenseless we can get sometime. At some point, every machine went off the charts. Baaas Ella. This is the end of the road for you: I remember thinking. I was feeling dizzy and very thirsty. I spent 20 mins in there but it was the longest 20 mins of my life. Then Thea was in my arms in 10 more minutes. She was too adorable. I have never loved anyone this much. She’s my heaven.
Here’s the thing about babies: they rock your world. Then they give you sleepless days and nights. If you have a cs wound – your days and nights get longer. You cannot turn abruptly, you cannot eat certain meals so you keep it organic, you cannot be a flexible new mom. You get depressed (side effects), you need 100% support. Your nipples crack so as they breastfeed you cry. Literally. They cry as their tummy hurts. They love feeding as they stare in your eyes.
If your SO is not around or you’re a single mom – it gets worse. You literally have to get a back up someone to talk to. Sonetimes I feel like men do not understand what women go through. Especially men who leave.
If you’re as lucky as I am, amazing friends like Mugzie natural’s CEO Mugethi will send you a treasured gift bag that helps baby sleep. Helps you sleep too. Lavendar essential oil retailed at 1500, she sells at ksh 1000. My little one sleeps calmly with just a drop in her water.
I promised to write about my c section experience. I will. I just needed to help another mom out there. Be it the dolls our kids really need to grow with, the diapers that are very effective anyday or eating healthy products: we need to start being the best version of ourselves and having a baby has taught me that healthy can be cheap, unique can be cheap, peace of mind cab be cheap but only if we let each other in on what we are doing right.