Feminism prepared me for everything except my life

I am resting in bed. It has been a long day. I am letting the drugs take course. I am not talking about illegal drugs here in case your mind automatically shifted to those. I was diagnosed with malaria and bacterial infection the other day. 

You have no idea how much my head was throbbing. I actually felt some warm moisture on my cheeks at 3 AM and that’s when I comprehended that I was crying. The pain was too much. How could I cry? I was a strong independent woman who does not need anyone to make her okay. Yet, I was crying because the headache was too much. So, my boyfriend took me to the hospital. He was horrified. I could tell by his face. He has never seen me cry. He has seen me sad but crying was something new to him.

I actually had a mild headache the previous day but my mother suggested that I should rest because I was working too hard. 

“Take some time off that computer. It might be causing the strain in your eyes,” she told me. Turns out – there was a storm coming. 

Do you know how hard it is being a pregnant feminist? Quite hard. The other day, I gave a tout the middle finger. He cat called me and my immediate reaction was to yell at him, “I am pregnant, leave me alone!” Then I went ahead and showed him the middle finger. I did not realise what I had done until I saw people looking at me strangely. 

Malaria has never been this bad for me. It’s not just malaria. It is everything. I am always tired and moody and sometimes I drown myself into work at Lalonas.com to feel better and it ends up draining me especially when i realise it is 6 AM and i have not had any sleep yet the doctor recommends 8 hours of sleep. I can honestly say that life at this point is a bit different than I remember. 

Feminism taught me that I will face inequality, exclusion and have my rights violated. It taught me that my ideologies matter and I am just as good as any man. Feminism has enabled me to have the zeal to be there for other women. Feminism is my ideology and cause and that will never change because I am discriminated and neglected and abused. 

Feminism just didn’t teach me that I would throw up everyday unless I am asleep because I have hyperemesis or have a headache and be told to not take meds at any cost nor bloat. Feminism didn’t emphasize that I would cry and not know why. So here I am – wondering who the hell I have become. I no longer recognize myself. Because I am learning new things that are scaring me shitless and that, weirdly makes me happy yet confused.

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