When you are seen as a woman who uses her faculty in a manner not benign to mankind but repugnant because beneficial to mankind should be culturally convenient yet you defy culture, question culture, go against it and designate to the road never traveled in your society, you are a dangerous woman. When the only option at the end of the day left for you to do in a town full of childhood friends turned strangers and relatives turned enemies; is to sit down and hope that your former unemployed classmate’s day wasn’t as bad as yours, because for the first time, you are banking on on someone(her) for that day’s meal, you are a really dangerous woman to have gotten to that point. This situation, ‘miraculously’ happened after she concurrently called you to corroborate if you still have the documents she unintentionally left in your house over 7 months ago. She lamentably found you in a mood where you desired to talk to anyone about life’s unfulfilling moments. So, she heard your predicament and simply promised to send you approximately 2 dollars for food and hang up on you. She does that without giving you a solid solution that would act as a break in your life even if it’s a temporary solution. That’s when you realise that the tide has hit the rock.
You are not lazy by any means and neither are you conventional since you spent the whole day from 4 AM begging for odd jobs from construction work to part time underpaid nanny job. You are not begging for money in the streets or among relatives at any point despite the fact that you hold a diploma and a degree that you worked tooth and nail to get. The strange bit is the fact that you get to meet your mother, father, brother and sister daily and they do not bother to care if you are living or dying. Truth is, you are a dangerous woman.
As other women worldwide take a maximum of 4 years to complete their degrees, it is a whooping 7 years for you. Then your peers graduate as you toil in people’s farms to raise the 1/4 of tuition fee that the government merit scholarship doesn’t cover. Finally, you get back out there and continue with the race. You do not give up on the quest for higher education that took you to a different path in a world full of cultural rigidity and economic instability. You get to your final year of college and you sigh a relief as you hope your journey ahead isn’t that bumpy. This is the greener pastures, you’ve lost a whole village for.
The whole village disowned you when you mocked their culture by pursuing higher education; something meant for men. The new bunch of friends you’ve made outside your community while studying, doing business and socialising are just as understanding as you hoped they’d be. Time flies too fast, you get excited about the bright future and the possibility that you’ll showcase change. As people graduate with job promises, you graduate with a 4 year old beautiful girl from your first love who couldn’t gather enough courage to tell you that he had 2 wives before you got pregnant and a 7 month pregnancy from a man who just realised he doesn’t quite want to be a dad yet. In fact, he advised you to simply make a buck for yourself by selling the baby. He didn’t want her anymore, something he realised when you were in labor.
So, history has repeated itself. You have proven people in the villages right. You were better off married off at 16 like everyone else. A single mother of 2 children whom by birth acquired different tribes(the dads were from different tribes, something frowned upon) is the shame your parents have to bear. They have disowned you and your father regrets the day he made you. “You shall not step in their residence unless in your coffin,” you’ve been told. “You’ll be buried in the fence if that happens,” they keep telling you. But, those threats are the least of your problems. You crossed that bridge a long time ago and came to terms with the fact that you lost your identity and voice among your own people. Your own blood to be precise. You have other things to worry about.
Your beautiful daughter has to go to school, she’s 4 now. That’s the time you realise that graduation meant, the friends who used to help you along the way while in school are minding their business. They also have bills to pay and futures to build. No one is available with their time and resources anymore and neither are the jobs easily available. Then you opt for a sales promotion jobs but no one wants to employ someone who cannot commit the whole night to get the sales up. That’s how you luckily meet a guy that tells you how his brother gets up at 3 to stand by the road with the hope that he will get a construction job; daily and most days he gets a job that feeds him and his family. So, you decide to give it a try. Why not? Women can do anything they put their mind to it, just like men. Right?
Women living in a cultured society are not only expected to get married at 16 but they are meant to have babies with the same man. Here we have a woman at 25, fled from home, got into school, passed okay and got a scholarship. All this, she did while disowned. Met a man. A doctor who was culturally empowered, loved her more than she loved herself. How could she? She was not even loved by her own parents. Then she became a mother and father, had to put school on hold, not only because she had to get enough money to fund her education but to also make sure her daughter doesn’t starve nor succumb to nutrition based illnesses.
You’re the provider yet the outcast. Then you start wondering if being a dangerous woman was the wrong thing to begin with. No one gets to say no to advances. You marry the first man you meet, love comes later. Yet, you chose the love path. You chose a fallacy. You chose turning people down and Pursued the mythical happiness because you are a dangerous woman.
Things were never this hard. There is a time right after campus when you were lucky enough to get the student loan. Something that helped you survive a great deal. That’s when you met the father of your daughter. He used to take care of you as well. He was someone that understood you gravely until you got pregnant and he ran into some problems and asked you to give him a loan from your students loan. You later on came to find out that you actually paid someone else’s tuition with your own loan. The reason you had to put your education on hold for a year was not only because you had no way to raise a daughter on your own after the man left you but also because your tuition fee that you loaned the father of your daughter was never repaid. Someone else got educated with your loan.
But that didn’t put you down. You got right up after 2 years of hard underpaid and dignity stripping labor. You made a woman out of your failures and shame and became a responsible mother. You became the very person you’d always looked up to. Started your own business just as school was coming to an end. The only kind of business no one would come up with; boiling cereals for male students who couldn’t afford to do it for themselves. One night, a week before completing college; someone took everything away from you. Robbed you on her way home with your daughter and went ahead and robbed your store as well. You often wonder if it’s the same person that did that or your stars weren’t aligned that day. So, with a month to become a mother, that’s how you started living like this, far worse than it was when you were 16. Yet, you wake up every morning with a smile; hoping your luck will change.
Here you are, working your way out of homelessness and starvation as you meet your peers, married. Looking down upon you. They cannot even stop and say hello. You are way beyond their level. You are the woman that chose to defy odds. The woman who didn’t get circumcised, ran off to get an education and finally got through 2 failed relationships that ended with a responsibility larger than a heartbreak. The woman with children, hustling in a man’s field, waking up at manly hours and being a father and a mother to her 2 kids as she hopes that her efforts to break off the cultural chains will pay off one day. This is the dangerous woman who cannot afford to blink, time is everything to her. Everyday, as time runs out on you and you try to match up with it, never giving up; you are the dangerous woman.
-Inspired by a dangerous woman, I know and respect, adore and value.
Visit here and share. Let’s make dangerous women out of our wives, sisters and each other in the virtual creative’s space.